Deep Inner Reflecting and Re-Calibrating our “Fun Scale”…
RE-Calibrating our “Fun Scale”
I’ve been playing with my logos on an app that’s pretty fun! I figured I would share them, why not?! What do you think? It’s fun, if anything, and that counts for something!
Fun for this Aries sun, Gemini moon, is VERY important.
I used to gage what’s not in alignment with my truth by weighing it on my #funscale…not always accurate obviously, but at the time it made sense. I have learned over the years that I have been limiting my fun-ness! Here comes the “Deep thoughts, by Katie” moment…
First of all, my fun scale was relative to my emotions. Emotions are indeed a tool, or better yet, our inner compass, gaging if we are in alignment or if we are out of sync. Our emotions can be fickle, they shift often through out the day, especially if you’re a woman. Sometimes, our emotions can be deceiving. We may think they’re showing us “this is not in alignment with your truth” when indeed they may be saying “here’s an old wound that needs your attention”. We react to emotions, rarely creating them consciously on a regular basis but are known to do so from time to time when needed, such as pushing through a work shift, or if you’ve ever worked in customer service of any kind, We all have faked that smile, wanted to scream from between our teeth, but pushed through. (don’t lie, you know you’ve faked it occasionally too, we all do).
So, here’s a “fun” story.
One night, in conversation with my now husband, we were talking about our journey together thus far and how much we’ve grown as individuals… he really has an amazing self awareness. One of the things he exceeds me in is Face to Face conflict. Now this is a time that our emotions really may not be saying any truth, but ego is stepping in and protecting us from some kind of perceived harm. This is a good time for discernment with your emotions, not responding from them.
Until several years ago, I strayed away from what made me feel uncomfortable: difference of opinion, obscure perceptions, conflicts of interest or battles of the ego, calling someone out even if it was right and just, even sticking up for myself! Right before Ray came into my life, I was doing a lot of this work with my shadow self, owning where I didn’t speak my truth, in turn creating problems not only for myself but for others down the road, living in a lie I led myself into or my parents led me in, believing false teachings or projections of others pain, their emotions, to be my truth. I was not necessarily physically approaching these people that hurt me, but energetically releasing the blame and shame, and loving them, myself and the experience for the growth it provided me.
It’s no wonder I attracted a man such as Ray, he’s good at this stuff! And, we always seem to attract the teachers we need when we are ready, right? He helped me a lot with this process and continues to impress and inspire me with his ninja mind and “fun meter” skills.
Getting really clear about what it is in ourselves that we are seeking: not outwardly, but inward is really key. It’s not them, it’s me, or it’s not you, it’s them! This is part of radical self awareness and acceptance. This is part of being able to love ourselves, in turn, love everyone for who they really are.
So, back on track: He loves calling people out, and, get this, being called out! Weird, I know! It must be a Virgo thing, or something but this alone has fascinated me to no end about him… he really is a rare and unique breed, the unicorn male.
I, on the other hand, have leaned more toward avoiding situations like this pretty much my whole life. I avoided conflict like the plague. It’s always been so uncomfortable, frightening, and created even a PTSD like response to my system. Symptoms like this had wreaked havoc through out my life. Now I know that my “PTSD symptoms” are a red flag from my soul saying “look at me! Pay attention to this! I need attention here badly!” I have worked on really leaning into that space of discomfort instead, for quite some time now, and I slowly but surely have seen a shift. Where as I used to think “well, this is not in alignment with my truth”, and avoid it at all costs, I now take a step back and observe with curiosity. How does this tie into my fun scale? I’m getting there, I promise.
When in relationship, we can get triggered sometimes, (that’s essentially one of the major points of relationships) they can lead us to those sticky uncomfortable places. Ray has mastered his mind enough to where now He LOVES it! He’s having a blast, getting down to the nitty gritty of our past wounds and false beliefs, calling me out and pointing out my flaws and short comings… and I’m trying to resist curling up in a ball or hiding under a rock! Mind you, I can have the same conversation with someone else, but when it comes to talking about it with my husband, the man I love and adore, who I want to spend the rest of my life with, I want to hide? Why?!
Because part of me was afraid he wouldn’t love me if it were true. Isn’t this a sad truth we all more than likely have experienced at one time or another. Fear of truly being seen, and not being accepted and loved for who we really are. This is false.
I looked at him in disbelief, having feelings of being so incredibly vulnerable and perplexed by his “fun meter“?! Part of me was trying really hard to avoid my ego taking over, because I knew he was right! Where another part of me was really trying to hear him genuinely, from the Heart. I got defensive and hurt feelings, and proceeded to give him a dose of his own medicine,
“How do you like THAT, Mr. Wallen”
I thought to myself. HA! Then, of all the things, he says:
“This is really Fun!”
In all seriousness. I couldn’t believe it. And, I couldn’t help it. I burst into laughter, I about died. I laughed far too hard for someone who was having a deep intense conversation with their partner. Like belly rolling on the ground kind of laughter LOL.
I had a break through! After I let my triggered emotions subside, and I could digest what he was saying with a compassionate heart for him AND myself, I got it! And that felt really good! I said to him:
“You have a twisted way of looking at fun, if you think THIS is fun”.
Oy vey! He reiterated to me how Fun it really was (and still is) for him. I finally got it when he share his perception with me. Here’s Rays golden nugget, his reasoning and the truth that can be found in these sticky situations: It’s in these passionate, vulnerable conversations that:
A. We (our partner or person we are relating to) get to know the other better. Really, they help us get to know OURSELVES better!
B. Which helps us communicate better, getting to know each other’s deepest inner needs. Which: with an open heart and mind:
C. Always leads to growth! For us as individuals, and as a couple or partnership.
I had to sit back and think about that for a minute.
“Wow!” I was now laughing for a whole new reason! It really was fun! I am becoming crazy(er)?!
I thought, “not only does this guy truly thrive on TRUTH but he has mastered his ego AND his brain enough to where he can, in an instant, see the gift in every conflict, debate, or alternate perception. He really has learned to love this shi(f)t.”
What a trip. What a GIFT! So, maybe I had been looking at it all wrong?! Maybe…Fun is found in many places!? That too, is all just a shift in perception, right?!
It is SO fun when we hit a wall and see it for what it is, a challenge to be tackled, a chance to grow! Time to rise, climb, and shine, right?! It is so true! Growing is FUN, and fascinating, and fabulous, in all its painful aches and stretch marks. These are the places where the MAGIC can really begin to UNFOLD, our perceptions can SHIFT, we can see the AHAS and Epiphanies rolling through… WE BLOW OUR OWN MINDS! We blow those false beliefs about ourselves or about the world right on out of our brains. Rewriting, RE-WIRING, RE-Training, UN-learning, DE-programming to RE-program! YAY!
WE BLOW OUR OWN MINDS! We blow those false beliefs about ourselves or about the world right on out of our brains. Re-writing, REWIRING, Re-Training, UN-Learning, DE-Programming to RE-Program!
So, we invite you: Next time you’re thinking “Well, this sucks to no end” or “Omg, I am so frustrated!” switch that frustration to “FASCINATING!” Turn the ‘closed up’ program running your Brain into a moment to open up to WONDER. Even the “not so fun” things can become truly exciting moments of growth. And THAT is really FUN. This is by no means to say I will be giving up fun logo making, dancing, playing laughing and straight up being a goober for this new found kind of fun, not by ANY means! But I have widened my perspective on how to look at these stickier situations in life and I hope we have helped you along your journey too. That is also fun for me, and I do not plan on stopping that fun any time soon, either!
I wonder what you are pondering on this. Let us know what you think, or share an experience where you witnessed the shift in your own perceptions to more Truth and Freedom of thought in the comments.
Thank you so much, and Many Crystal Infused Blessings,
Katie & Ray